Not a Mob: Psycho

With Yoruichi only coming by to update him on the situation with the other group, tracking him using their spiritual link, Ohta eventually found himself alone, once again, in the tunnels beneath Seireitei.
"This sucks..." muttered Ohta, staring absentmindedly at the luminescent algae lining the ceiling above. The present situation reminded him of when he was on jobs in his previous life. He didn't know if he was unique or if it was just human nature, but whenever there was a possibility of him dying, his thoughts wandered to both the past and future.
"I need to start working on my tolerance..." concluded Ohta. He had the memories of being sober for more than fifteen years, but like many other people in his 'profession,' he had a penchant for drinking to take the edge off or dull the senses. The incident at Kukaku's made him reluctant to pick up a bottle, but if his brain kept wandering to places it shouldn't, he didn't mind killing it a bit...
Closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall he was seated against, Ohta tried to guide his thoughts in a more positive direction. He reckoned there was about a 70% chance of Rukia attempting to break up with him for 'his sake,' so he imagined shutting her up with a kiss, leading to much, much more. Unfortunately, partway through the imagined scene, a similarly sized, equally petite Captain overlapped with Rukia's image...
"Man, fuck this shit..." groaned Ohta, rising to his feet and preparing to leave the dark and increasingly dreary underground tunnel system. If his thoughts were wandering due to inaction and boredom, there were more than a few ways to amend things.
Emerging from a circular hatch after ascending a ladder more than 20m in length, Ohta immediately felt better. The underground tunnels, like many ancient structures within the Seireitei, used trace amounts of Sekkiseki in their construction. This made them excellent hiding places, but due to the interference caused by the Sekkiseki, spiritual entities would begin to feel increasingly discomfited, eventually becoming sick.
Breathing in the fresh, Reishi-rich air aboveground, a faint smile returned to Ohta's face. The air was incredibly refreshing, but, better still, he could sense a trio of passably powerful Shinigami nearby, ideal candidates for a bout of recreational venting.
Shunpoing over to the trio's position, Ohta discovered a blonde-haired Shinigami whose massive tits looked like they were about to burst out of her Shihakusho, a sickly-looking man with pale skin and notably 'angular' blonde hair forming a sharp cowlick covering the left side of his face, and another man with a fairly 'fresh' hairstyle and rugged features that made hime resemble a thug, complete with sunglasses.
Noticing that all three Shinigami were wearing Lieutenant badges, Ohta's smile broadened as he called out, questioning, "Could the three of you be looking for me~?" with a trace of whimsy in his tone.
Though the two male Shinigami immediately went on high alert, drawing their Zanpakuto, the buxom blonde's blue eyes widened as she remarked, "Oh, wow. The report failed to mention how handsome you were."
"You're not so bad yourself," mused Ohta. "A little top-heavy, but I dig the wavy blonde hair."
Narrowing her eyes in amusement, the blond-haired Shinigami crossed her arms in a way that intentionally emphasized her bust as she said, "If you come down this instant and behave, I'll let you see what's on the end of this chain."
Taking note of said chain, the end of which was sandwiched between the female Shinigami's massive tits, Ohta remarked, "Tempting, but I'll have to pass."
"That's a real shame," replied the woman, narrowing her eyes even further as she grabbed the hilt of her Zanpakuto, abruptly leaping toward him and drawing it as she shouted, "Growl, Haineko...!"
In response to her call, the female Shinigami's blade seemed to vaporize, becoming a cloud of ash or dust. Said cloud raced at high speeds toward Ohta, but he just waved his left hand, dispersing it with a wave of psychic energy that also slammed into the woman, sending her sliding backward through the air.
Raising his brows, Ohta remarked, "You must have pretty good control to be able to stand in the air while the barrier is active..."
Adopting a fairly mischievous smile, the female Shinigami asked, "Should I praise your ability to stand in the air as well...?"
"Nah, I know I'm a badass," replied Ohta, catching the angular hook-shaped sword of the blonde male with his 'bare' hand. Neither he nor his psychic barrier wavered, but Ohta suddenly felt like he had entered a tub of water, an invisible pressure enveloping his body.
Though he was surprised to see Ohta stop his Zanpakuto with his bare hand, the blonde male was markedly more shaken when he failed to pull away. Ohta didn't even seem to be gripping his blade, but it didn't budge no matter how hard he pulled at it.
"You should have let go..." mused Ohta, his characteristically deep voice sending a chill through the blonde man's body as he felt an invisible force envelop him, freezing him in place.
Seeing his fellow Lieutenant unable to move, the sunglasses Shinigami, wielding a large falchion shaped like a fan and with a pick-like protrusion near the tip, promptly decided against trying to catch Ohta off guard. He couldn't tell what method Ohta had used to trap the angular blonde, so he attempted to buy some time for the woman, saying, "Hey, you, Ryoka. Is it true you came all this way to rescue that girl from the Kuchiki Clan...?"
"That's right," replied Ohta, waving his hand and sending the blonde man crashing into the ground, keeping him in place by constantly accelerating him downward. He still felt the sensation of being enveloped in water, but it wasn't too difficult to move as he turned toward the man, pretending to ignore the woman as he asked, "Why? Got something to say...?"
Amusing Ohta somewhat, the thug-like man shook his head and gave a thumbs up with his left hand, asserting, "Only that you're a real man. It takes a lot of balls to invade the Soul Society like this. Must be one hell of a woman, that Kuchiki girl."
Shrugging his shoulders, Ohta casually confessed, "She's a bit lacking as far as looks go, but I've come to learn that even petite women have their charm. She's my little spider-bunny."
As he actually knew Rukia, albeit only in a professional setting, the thug-like Shinigami was more than a little surprised by Ohta's words. The Rukia he knew was a very quiet, serious, and unapproachable woman. Hearing someone refer to her as a 'spider-bunny' was somewhat amusing, but he could only imagine how she got the peculiar nickname...
Now thoroughly enveloped in the buxom blonde's ash cloud, Ohta turned to face her, asking, "You about finished with your preparations?"
Exhaling a throaty, sensual chuckle, the blonde playfully mused, "I like to take my time with handsome boys..."
Slashing with her bladeless Zanpakuto, the buxom blonde intended to cut Ohta but her ash, usually capable of cutting like a scalpel, scraped futilely across the invisible membrane covering his body.
Furrowing her brows, the buxom Shinigami combed her fingers through her wavy blonde hair, appearing slightly annoyed as she remarked, "It's always a good idea to use protection, but don't you know you feel it more without? You're no fun..."
"That's because I haven't started moving yet," replied Ohta, surprising the
woman by vanishing and appearing behind her as he supplanted, "I take back my comment about you being top-heavy. Your trunk is pretty packed as well..."
Though her immediate instinct was to take evasive actions, the blonde-haired Shinigami ultimately leaned her head back, staring at Ohta with an upturned, albeit inverted gaze as she softly remarked, "You're even more handsome from up close..."
"I get that," replied Ohta, returning a smile as he placed his hand on the woman's shoulder, causing her to feel like a tremendous weight had been placed on it.
"Is it too late to talk things out?" asked the woman, smiling wryly as the pressure continued to increase.
"Afraid so..." replied Ohta, suppressing the temptation to offer the woman a drink once this incident had been settled. Such comments would have earned him an eye roll or gotten him ignored in his previous life, but here, where he had good looks, a naturally smoldering gaze, and a deep voice, it was getting him into trouble...
Fortunately for the blonde woman, Ohta didn't send her crashing into the ground. Instead, he increased the pressure around her body, constraining her lungs and overwhelming her senses with his concentrated Reiatsu. As a result, she quickly lost consciousness, held aloft by his psychic energy as he looked to the final Shinigami, their gazes meeting for several tense moments.
Feeling he had already vented plentily, Ohta surprised the thug-like man by suggesting, "Let's end things here. Take these two wherever you go to receive healing or send a signal to the 4th Division. I'll be loitering around this area for a few hours, so be sure to bring a Captain with you the next time you come, okay?"
Before Ohta could turn away and disappear using Shunpo, the sunglassed Shinigami exclaimed, "Hey, hold up!"
Turning back to face the man, Ohta raised his brows, stating, "You have ten seconds."
Shaking his head, the thug-like man said, "I don't even need that. I just have one question for you before you go..."
Indicating for the man to continue with his silence, Ohta wasn't surprised when he asked, "You're not really our enemy, are you?"
Adopting a faint smile, Ohta asserted, "If I were, the Gotei would be down four Lieutenants, forty-three Seated members, and a Captain. I'm here for one reason and one reason only. I want my spider-bunny returned to me."
Nodding his head, the thug-like man said, "I understand. I'm unsure if it will help, but I'll convey your words to my Captain. Thank you for sparing my comrades."
Punctuating his words, the thug-like man bowed steeply. This earned him an approving nod, but by the time he raised his head, Ohta was nowhere to be seen...
...
..
.
Contradicting what he had told the thug-like Shinigami, Ohta immediately changed locations after handling the trio of Lieutenants. Things had gone favorably with Soifon, but if several Captains showed up to surround him, he could find himself in a tricky position. Thus, just in case he was forced to flee, he left psychic imprints throughout the Seireitei, intending to trick any pursuers using Yoruichi's most-hated method.
After traversing what must have been at least seven-hundred kilometers, Ohta concealed his presence and spied on passing Shinigami to find out which piece of the pie he was in. The Seireitei, as could be expected, was divided into thirteen 'courts,' he guarded by one of the thirteen Squads of Shinigami. The central, metropolitan-looking area was the dominion of the First Division, effectively making it a 'no man's land.' The remaining twelve courts were perfectly divided like the slices of a piece, circling the central court and covering nearly 1,800,000 square kilometers.
As the pie-like courts were arranged similarly to the numbers on a clock, Ohta hoped that by moving north along the western side of the Seireitei that he would find himself in the area managed by the 9th Division. Their Captain, Tosen Kaname, was one of the suspected accomplices of Aizen, so while Ohta might not kill him outright, he wouldn't mind decorating the pavement with the purportedly blind man's blood...
Fortunately for Ohta, one of the Shinigami he captured readily revealed that he was, in fact, in the region patrolled by Squad 9. Better yet, there was an active order for all members of the Division to assemble outside their barracks, apparently preparing to head to his previously reported location en mass...
...
..
.
(A/N: Well, that's convenient (O w O)...)

Seeing the two-to-three-hundred people making up the majority of Squad 9, Ohta muttered, "Man, they really are understaffed..."
Once all the members of Squad 9 had arrived, excluding those who were off-duty or injured, the person Ohta was waiting for made an appearance, a dark-skinned man with muted purple dreadlocks. He sported the usual white Haori of a Captain over a standard-issue Shihakusho but added a touch of individuality to it with a purple sash around his waist, lavender foot coverings, and an orange scarf that came to a point behind his head.
As Ohta observed the man, Tosen Kaname, from a distance, he wasn't too surprised when the dark-skinned Captain gazed in his general direction. It was challenging to become a Captain even with all five senses intact, so it wasn't an exaggeration to say Tosen had one of the most attuned spiritual senses in the history of the Gotei.
Following his Captain's gaze, Tosen's Lieutenant, a man who resembled Ichigo but with narrower eyes, three lines running down the right side of his face, and a tattooed 69 on his left cheek, tensed when he saw Ohta brazenly sitting in the open atop one of the many walls lining the streets of Seireitei.
Stopping the man before he could cry out or give the order to attack, Tosen raised his right hand, stating, "It's fine, Hisagi. Inform the other Squads and lead our own to form an encirclement. I will do my best to defeat him or buy some time."
"But, Captain Tosen...!" exclaimed Hisagi, a man Ohta had dubbed Mr. 69 in his mind.
Instead of sticking around to hear what his Lieutenant had to say, Tosen executed a distinctly 'silent' version of Shunpo that saw him reappear a few meters from Ohta, standing atop the same partition.
While placing his hand on the orange hilt of his Zanpakuto, Tosen asked, "Am I mistaken in assuming you are Yamada Ohta, the arrogant man who has disrupted and continues to disturb the sanctity of this sacred place?"
"Looks like I'm beginning to gain a reputation," mused Ohta, rising to his feet as he asked, "Are we doing this here, or did you have another place in mind?"
"..."
Though he briefly considered moving their battle someplace that wouldn't imperil the lives of his men, Tosen ultimately drew his blade, declaring, "I am Tosen Kaname of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads, Captain of Squad 9. I abhor violence, but for your crimes against the Soul Society, I have no choice but to have you captured and held accountable..."
"I see..." replied Ohta, sporting a cheeky smile as his heart began beating faster. It was likely because she intentionally concealed it, but Soifon had nowhere near the same 'momentum' as Tosen, the result of unleashing his Reiatsu without fetter. Ohta didn't crumple like when he was first exposed to Reiatsu, but he could feel the surrounding air and the roof tiles beneath him trembling as Tosen said, "Defend yourself..." in a cold yet courteous tone.
Disappearing silently, Tosen reappeared next to Ohta, sweeping the long, thin, slightly curved blade of his Zanpakuto in a swift, concise arc across the latter's chest. At least, that's what he had planned. At nearly the exact moment he executed Shunpo, Ohta performed his own, reappearing a few meters away and observing Tosen with interest.
Causing Ohta to smile, Tosen remarked, "You're fast..." before vanishing. Instead of appearing next to Ohta, however, he arrived next to one of the 'imprints' Ohta was using to simulate the energy signature of Shunpo.
("I should go to Hell for this...") mused Ohta, taking a seat and concealing his presence as he observed Tosen attempting to 'outmaneuver' him. An attuned spiritual sense was useful most of the time, but it could easily be used against you without your other senses supporting it...
Realizing that Ohta was 'stepping' in the same locations multiple times, Tosen briefly paused his pursuit, a trace of a scowl marring his usually neutral expression as he whipped toward Ohta, extending his left index finger and shouting, "Hadō #4. Byakurai...!"
Without moving from his position, Ohta's smile broadened as a laser-like beam of bright blue lightning shot from Tosen's finger, its intended mark his right shoulder. Unfortunately for the blind Captain, it didn't get within 300cm of its target, impacting an invisible, ostensibly spherical barrier as it curved around Ohta's body.
"I suggest trying something above seventy next time," said Ohta, slowly rising as Tosen 'watched' him in silence.
Causing Tosen to regret his inaction, Ohta extended his left hand, fingers spread wide and palm facing outward as he shouted, "Thunderclap, strike from the Heavens! Become a Spear that pierces the Darkness! Fang of the Divine! Hadō #77, Tenka no Raijin...!"
Though he abruptly felt as if all the heat was drawn from his body, the result of using more than fifty percent of his Reiryoku in a single go, Ohta didn't regret it as the look on Tosen's face was priceless. Tenka no Raijin was a spell that produced a thick, exceptionally violent band of arcing, seemingly sentient lightning, so the goggle-wearing Captain had to evade desperately to avoid being caught in its destructive path.
"Hmmm...?"
While his attack continued to rampage, Ohta looked up as the Lieutenant with the number 69 tattoo attempted to get the jump on him, falling from above with a pair of kusarigama-like weapons linked by a long black chain, each with two scythe-like blades, one facing inward and the other outward.
"Take this...!" shouted the man, grasping the chain of his right scythe to spin it above his head before throwing it at Ohta, creating a high-pitched whistle as it traveled.
"Sure," replied Ohta, surprising the man he believed was called Hisagi by grasping the rapidly spinning blade with his 'bare' hand.
Before Hisagi could recover from his shock, Ohta grabbed the chain and summarily gave it a momentous tug. However, instead of drawing Hisagi toward him, all he did was cause the chain to become longer, generating what seemed like a hundred meters of slack.
"Huh..."
Using the slack Ohta had produced, Hisagi made a whipping motion that seemed to breathe life into the chain as it attempted to wrap around the former. It succeeded, but, similar to Tosen's Byakurai, it came into contact with an invisible membrane, unable to entangle him directly.
With the intent of swinging Ohta around like a wrecking ball, Hisagi gave the chain a mightly pull, screaming vigorously before abruptly silencing as he nearly dislocated his arm due to the former not budging.
"Before I became a Shinigami, people called me Ohta, the Immovable," revealed Ohta, extending his right hand toward Hisagi as he added, "Let's find out how resilient you are."
Anticipating a Hado spell, Hisagi was surprised when an invisible force hit him like a runaway trolley. There was absolutely no lead-up to the attack, excluding Ohta's initial movement, so Hisagi barely even understood what had happened as he was sent soaring through the air, bloodied from head to toe and missing several teeth.
Shrugging off Hisagi's chains, Ohta returned his attention to Tosen just in time to see the man produce hundreds of 'afterimages' with a swing of his sword, each becoming very real as they launched toward him like spears of light.
Though he was fairly confident in his defenses, Ohta responded to the attack with another palm thrust, scattering and fracturing the blades on a direct course with his shield. This was the correct decision, as while they could not penetrate his barrier completely, the blades that impacted the periphery of Ohta's shield managed to slice into it a bit.
"That's a pretty scary attack," remarked Ohta. Unfortunately, Tosen didn't seem to be in the mood for banter, producing several additional waves of bladed projectiles in an apparent attempt to overwhelm him.
"It's show time..." muttered Ohta, narrowing his eyes and tensing his body as the usual tri-colored aura enveloped him, quickly becoming visible to the naked eye. Unfortunately for Tosen, he was blind...
With a smiling expression containing a hint of madness in his eyes, Ohta thrust both of his hands forward, creating a veritable column of psychic energy that dispersed Tosen's blades and slammed into him like a bullet train, pushing him back at hypersonic speeds and carrying him nearly ten kilometers before petering out in around three seconds.
"Damn, that felt good..." remarked Ohta, hovering in the sky, hair moving as if he were underwater while the tri-colored aura around him continued to condense. This was the form that Yoruichi had taken to calling his 'First Awakening,' but Ohta referred to it as demonstrating '1% of his true power,' a reference to a meme from his previous life.
Fortunately for Ohta, not so much for Tosen, the dark-skinned Captain managed to pull himself from the rubble of a destroyed building, several of his braided dreadlocks having come undone as he covered his mouth and coughed up a fair amount of blood. He had attempted to protect himself with a defensive Kido in the moments before he was sent flying, but Ohta's 'invisible' attack smashed through it like a baby deer caught in the headlights of a semi-truck.
Falling to a knee, supporting himself with his sword, Tosen muttered, "I must report this to Lord Aizen...this man...is too dangerous to let live..."
Appearing in the sky just after Tosen finished mumbling to himself, Ohta asked, "So, you going to use your Bankai, or what? Because I'll be honest. It's starting to feel like I'm bullying a blind man..."
Forcing himself to stand, Tosen painfully grunted, "Go ahead...make your jokes while you can. You will not...be able to escape...justice..."
As Ohta began pressuring him with his concentrated Reiatsu, Tosen used his Zanpakuto like a cane to avoid being forced to his knees. Fortunately for him, even while severely injured, his Reiryoku was significantly denser than Ohta's. He couldn't exert any counterpressure, but he could endure Ohta's without yielding.
Clicking his tongue, Ohta said, "Well, if you're not going to use Bankai, I'm gonna wrap this up. Grit your teeth, blind man."
Though Tosen did as Ohta had instructed, it didn't matter as the latter appeared before him, grasping his shoulders before kneeing him in the gut. Doing so caused Tosen to projectile vomit blood, but thanks to the veil of psychic energy covering his body, Ohta didn't get any onto him as he released the man's limp body, allowing it to crumple to the ground like a marionette with its strings cut.
("Well, I guess Yoruichi didn't call him one of the weakest Captains for nothing...") thought Ohta, staring at Tosen's unconscious form, resisting the urge to punctuate the man's life with the heel of his foot. He hadn't heard Tosen referring to Aizen as his Lord, so without any evidence to link the two, Ohta couldn't afford to kill him outright.
*krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-*
Feeling every nerve in his body tense, Ohta whipped around to find a tall, somewhat lanky but muscular man with a wild, aggressive appearance sitting on a roof about two hundred meters away. He had a long face with pronounced cheekbones, vaguely resembling a skull, a scar running down the left side, no eyebrows, and a single, sharp-green eye. The other was covered in an eyepatch, and his black hair was styled into stiff stands that protruded away from his scalp, ending in tiny bells. Most notably, while he wore a white Haori denoting his status as a Captain, the sleeves had been torn away, and the hem near the base was extremely tattered.
Recognizing the man immediately, Ohta muttered, "Kenpachi of Zaraki..." as the psychic energy around his body condensed instinctually. The man showed no overt hostility, simply smiling at him, but Ohta felt like his neck had been bound in the lunette of a guillotine, waiting for its blade to drop at any moment...
Despite the two hundred meters separating them, Ohta could hear Zaraki as if the man were speaking in his ear, stating, "I heard you were strong..." before slowly rising to his feet, causing the already quaking air to become palpably tense with a powerful vibrational force.
Grinning like a demon from Hell, Zaraki brandished an inordinately long and jagged sword as he said, "Let's find out...". Then, as the building he was standing on abruptly exploded, he appeared right in front of Ohta...
...
..
.
(A/N: And this is why you don't bully blind people. Karma always gets its dues (O w O)...)

"I think I'm missing some context here..." said Ohta, watching as Soifon shed her hakama-style pants to reveal she was, in fact, wearing a black thong. Not just any old thong, though, but one with tiny pieces of fabric resembling a cat's ears.
Furrowing her brows to their limit, Soifon stared at Ohta with suspicion as she begrudgingly divulged, "Yoruichi-sama said I am to present myself to the man who speaks my true name in confidence..."
"Yeah, that's not happening," affirmed Ohta. "As enticing as the prospect of railing a Captain is, I'm currently trying to save my woman, not pick up stray kittens."
Though she wasn't particularly enthused by the prospect of presenting herself to a man, much less one she had just recently met, Soifon's gaze exuded severity as she said, "I swore an oath..."
Shrugging his shoulders, Ohta asserted, "That's between you and your former Mistress. Talk to her and get permission from Rukia, and I might consider it. Though, fair warning, the odds of me going along with it are pretty slim."
"..."
Staring up at Ohta with a mixture of fury, conflict, and moderate relief, Soifon remained silent for several seconds before asking, "What do you need me to do? No, more importantly, where can I find Yoruichi-sama?"
"I already told you," noted Ohta, clarifying, "She's currently looking after the others who invaded the Seireitei with me. You going to her would just cause problems, so be a good little kitten and wait until the day of Rukia's execution. When we interfere to rescue her, you can sneak off somewhere to chat, caress each other's kitties, or do whatever else the two of you get up to in private."
Though Ohta's manner of speaking was 'abhorrent,' Soifon's ears became red at the mention of 'caressing kitties' with her former Mistress. She had never heard the phrase before but immediately understood what it meant based on the circumstances.
"Then there's one last thing I need from you before I permit you to injure me..." said Soifon, earning a slight frown from Ohta as she petitioned, "I want you to pat my head or hold me while I drink in my former Mistress's scent..."
"Man, you're hopeless..." remarked Ohta. However, while Soifon's words didn't exactly enthuse him, he spread his arms and added, "Consider this a favor..."
While the notion of being indebted to Ohta vexed her considerably, Soifon didn't hesitate for too long before burying her face into his chest, sniffing him like a bloodhound rather than the kitten she was often compared. Her body tensed when he subsequently wrapped his arms around her, but she resisted the urge to extricate herself from his embrace by picturing him as her beloved Yoruichi-sama...
"You're getting a little low there..." remarked Ohta, referring to the fact that Soifon was gradually working down his body, likely searching for the location Yoruichi's scent was most concentrated. And since he didn't stop her, it wasn't long before she found it...
"Yoruichi-sama..." moaned Soifon, burying her nose into Ohta's crotch as if it weren't the object she most despised. Unfortunately, the moment she tried fingering herself, Ohta ended the creepy interaction before it could get further out of hand...
...
..
.
After leaving Soifon's unconscious, moderately injured body embedded in a wall crater, at her behest, Ohta decided to lie low and wait for the news that he had defeated a Captain to circulate. He honestly felt cheated, but the alternative was exposing himself to one of the most lethal Zanpakuto in Soul Society's history.
Fortunately, as Ohta and Soifon had created a rather large disturbance when he 'defeated' her, it wasn't long before she was discovered by an investigative member of her very Squad. Shortly after that, a brand new alarm began to sound throughout the Seireitei, announcing the shift from a Red Alert state to Black, a sound code typically reserved for full-scale invasions...
...
..
.
"Here you are..." said Yoruichi, appearing before Ohta in her cat form as he rested beneath the city streets of the Seireitei.
Opening his eyes, Ohta wore a deadpan expression as he stated, "Little Fēng sends her regards..."
Unable to hide her smile, Yoruichi displayed it proudly as she asked, "How far did the two of you go? I can't imagine you had sex but did you at least get her to strip...?"
"You're kind of fucked in the head, aren't you?" contended Ohta. "That girl is clearly a man-hater. Putting her in that kind of situation..."
Shaking his head, Ohta preempted Yoruichi's response, stating, "No, just forget it. I won't waste my time lecturing someone who's lived hundreds of years..."
"That's probably for the best," said Yoruichi. "The Soul Society's culture and 'logic' differs considerably from the human world. For a young man with modern sensibilities, our society must seem very 'backward' to you. However, there is a reason for that..."
"Let's hear it..." replied Ohta, believing Yoruichi was talking out of her ass but willing to hear what she had to say.
"Stagnation is a key element to maintaining the cycle of souls," attested Yoruichi. "If the Soul Society were progressive and made a conscientious effort to improve the conditions of those living within it, the afterlife would become even more crowded than it already is..."
Moving over and making herself comfortable in Ohta's lap, Yoruichi curled up in his lap as she added, "Unlike the human world, where there are six-billion people spread out across the globe, the Soul Society houses more than seventeen billion, split between East and West. Inversely, less than a million native souls dwell within the Seireitei. As for the Gotei 13, the main policing force for the entire Soul Society, there are only 3000-4000 active members and 2000 reserve members..."
"In other words, you're short-staffed..." muttered Ohta.
"That is a gross understatement..." replied Yoruichi, shrugging as she added, "But it's the truth. We simply lack the personnel and resources to improve conditions qualitatively, and even if we could, it would invariably disrupt the balance between the three worlds. The afterlife isn't meant to be a place you can tarry, accumulate wealth, and live as you please for an eternity. Its purpose is to offer a brief respite from the troubles you faced in life before allowing you to transition to the next..."
"So, you keep things 'boring' to ensure people don't get too comfortable?" asked Ohta.
"That's a bit of an oversimplification, but yes," replied Yoruichi, closing her eyes as she revealed, "The Shihouin Clan plays a vital role in that respect. We are known as the 'Guardians of the Heavenly-Vested Armaments' and the 'Defenders of the Realm.' We have safeguarded heavenly artifacts that could alter the very structure of reality. As a result...well, let's just say that my family is very 'conservative.' Humans might see value in progress, but we have watched countless civilizations rise and fall in the quest for ever-greater wealth and prosperity..."
Rolling onto her back so Ohta could have access to her belly, Yourichi parted her eyes just enough to reveal a faint golden glimmer as she softly appended, "You're free to live however you please, Yamada Ohta...but do not try to conform the Soul Society to your ideals. We have preserved the balance between the three realms for 1,008,496 years. Create a society that can endure more than ten thousand, and you might have a platform to stand on..."
As he couldn't imagine modern society enduring an additional hundred, Ohta found himself unable to respond to Yoruichi's words. In his previous life, the Third World War had devastated the planet, leaving much of the East and West Coasts of the United States in ruin, sinking most of Europe, turning all of Russia into an uninhabitable tundra, and effectively 'erasing' China as a country in less than three years. At the time of his death, more than seventeen years after the war had ended, most countries still hadn't restored power to their grids. Those that had power collapsed under the strain of a never-ending tide of refugees, some even being taken over by various religious or cult leaders inciting the masses to violence...
Noticing the sudden change in Ohta's 'aura,' Yoruichi raised her feline brows and questioned, "Did my words upset you? If so, that wasn't my intention. I was merely stating facts..."
Shaking his head, Ohta replied, "Just forget about it...so long as the Soul Society doesn't go out of its way to meddle in my affairs, I don't care how it's structured..."
"Yes, I am aware of that..." mused Yoruichi. "I just noticed you had been acting particularly 'vengeful' as of late. Like you're looking for any reason to destroy something. If it comes to that, feel free to destroy me in place of Soul Society. As the former and future leader of the Shihouin Clan, it's my duty to preserve the balance..."
To emphasize how she wanted Ohta to 'destroy' her, Yoruichi reverted to her human form, staring up at him with narrowed eyes as she lay atop his lap. She knew this would push his buttons, but with how often he pushed hers, Yoruichi considered this as getting even, a sentiment she knew Ohta was well-acquainted...
"You don't know when to give up, do you...?" asked Ohta, his expression morphing into a deadpan.
"It's more like I 'refuse' to give up..." countered Yoruichi. "You're the first man who has actively pushed away and tried to 'tame' me. I can't let that go without getting in a few parting shots..."
"But you 'will' move on, right...?" asked Ohta. He couldn't imagine a woman like Yoruichi settling down with a single partner unless they succeeded in 'taming' her. Native souls, assuming they weren't killed or suffered a soul-borne illness, had an average lifespan exceeding 3000 years. Members of the Five-turned-Four Great Clans could survive much, much longer due to their distinctive Reiryoku. Thus, even though Yourichi was well over two hundred years old, she still had a lot of life ahead of her. Literal millennia.
"Eventually..." admitted Yoruichi. "But, considering I made my trainwreck of a relationship with Kisuke work for sixty years, don't expect to get rid of me any time soon. You could kill me, of course, but then you'd have to live with the guilt of murdering a woman who was fascinated, if not slowly falling in love with you..."
"Don't say that..." said Ohta, frowning deeply. Unfortunately, as the words had already left Yoruichi's mouth, they were fated to fester in his mind like maggots in an overripe fruit. For women as beautiful as Yoruichi, the word love was a cheat-like weapon. Even if they were insincere, the notion that it might be true would forever haunt the people they said it to...
Closing her eyes, Yoruichi snuggled up to Ohta as she whispered, "Since you've absorbed the traits of my family, you will also live a very long time, Ohta. Even if I have to wait a hundred, a thousand, or even ten-thousand years, you 'will' be mine...eventually..."
"..."
Sneaking a peek at Ohta out of the corner of her eye, Yoruichi's teasing smile now seemed to exude a certain degree of 'sincerity' alongside the usual expectation. Seeing it caused Ohta to frown and clench his jaw, but his mind failed to stitch together more than three words. He hadn't even factored in the possibility of living more than a few decades, so now that Yoruichi had implanted it in his mind, his thoughts invariably strayed in a direction that heavily favored her. He might be able to remain faithful to Rukia for ten, twenty, maybe even a few hundred years, but he couldn't imagine any relationship enduring thousands. And now that Yoruichi had instilled in him the notion she would be waiting to 'collect' him, it would forever linger in the back of his mind...
"You're a fucking demon..." asserted Ohta.
Exhaling a scoffing chuckle, Yoruichi adopted a toothy, naturally alluring grin as she rebutted, "You know you love the attention..." before promptly turning into a cat to avoid Ohta's telegraphed but genuine attempt to stab her in the face...
...
..
.
(A/N: More like a Succubus...)

Chapter 46: Wayward Thoughts, Meandering in Silence