I, Your Father, Carry a Big Stick

"Wake up, child. The day is upon us." Disturbed by the sound of the deep, gravelly voice, a young boy with wild brown reluctantly opened his peculiar yellow eyes and groaned, "Can you keep your voice down? I'm trying to sleep..." In response to the youth's words, a brown-skinned man with prominent, monkey-like features narrowed his equally yellow eyes. He had a mane of spikey white hair that extended to his lower back, fur framing the sides of his face, a prominent goatee, and, most notably, a tail protruding from his lower back. Above his brows, protecting his forehead, was an elastic band bearing a metallic plate and swirling symbol depicting a leaf. Crossing his arms, the distinctly haplorrhine man adopted an expression of discontent as he muttered, "This is the child that bears the fate of our world on his shoulders? We're doomed..." Though he could not make out what the man said, the youth could hear him muttering something under his brown. However, when he looked up to ask what the man was saying, he immediately paused, his expression morphing into one of abject confusion as he asked, "Are you a monkey...?" Furrowing his brows even further than they already were, the white-haired 'man' responded, "Indeed. Not just any monkey, mind you, but the King of all Monkeys. From now on, you shall refer to me as Monkey King Enma, Lord Enma, or Master Enma. Now, hurry up and get changed. Your training begins immediately." With an incredulous look, the youth retorted, "Training? What the hell are you on about, old man...?" Instead of answering the youth's questions, Enma picked him up by his collar and carried him out the door. The youth was about to protest this, but another wave of confusion silenced him as he compared himself to the size of Enma and gawked at his hands. He couldn't explain it, but he felt as though he should be a lot bigger... "Ah! My head...!" Feeling a sudden and intense pain, the youth grabbed the sides of his head, prompting Enma to set him down and get a better look at him. This involved placing his hand on the youth's head, a faint green light emitting from his palm as he asked, "Where does it hurt? Is it just your head, or do you feel pain elsewhere...?" Hearing Enma's questions, the youth was about to scream his response, but when he raised his head, the entire world around him appeared to be frozen in time. Everything was a series of greys, blacks, and whites, and, as far as he could tell, not even a single hair was moving on Enma's body. As the youth observed his surroundings in confusion, no longer feeling any pain from his head, a thumb-sized piece of jade fell from his clothing, followed by a voice echoing within his head, stating, ("Listen, brat. I don't have a lot of time. All you need to know right now is that this is a path you decided for yourself. I did what I could to make things easier for you, but it's up to you to take hold of your destiny. If you mess up, don't blame this Grandpa for laughing at your expense! Kishishishishishi~!") "Ugh..." With the mysterious voice sounding like claps of thunder within his mind, the youth doubled over in pain. Blood began to trickle from his eyes, ears, and nose, so the voice wrapped things up by saying, ("Oh, yeah&mdash;one last thing before I go. Your name is Wu. No surname and whatnot. Feel free to give yourself one or seek out an existing family and take theirs. It doesn't matter to me. Good luck.") Seemingly finished with what it had to say, the voice disappeared from Wu's head, followed by color returning to the world. When Enma saw the state he was in, he quickly snatched up the barely conscious boy in his arms, shouting, "Summon the medics!" in a commanding voice... ... .. . &lt;Four Years Later&gt; After living amongst the Monkey Clan of Jigokudani for four years, Wu was now a spry, incredibly agile eight-year-old. He still wondered about his origin, but after integrating with the Monkey Clan and training every single day, he stopped fretting over the unknown and started enjoying his strange yet incredibly stimulating life. Though he was initially physically weaker than the average member of the Monkey Clan, Wu's strength and speed began increasing explosively once Enma started instructing him on the basics of Chakra. Just channeling the mysterious energy through his body caused Wu to feel ecstatic, so he had taken to the training like a fish in the water or, as they said in Jigokudani, a monkey in the trees. If there was one thing Wu was dissatisfied about with life in Jigokudani, it was their 'vegan,' primarily fruit and nut-based diet. He had never tasted it before, but Wu had an almost insatiable desire to eat meat. Unfortunately, no matter how often he entreated Enma or the other Elders to let him eat some, they vehemently refused, stating, "So long as you reside within the valley, you will adhere to our customs." After a brief period where he seriously considered fleeing the valley, Wu more or less gave up his dreams of eating meat. He still longed for it, but he wasn't willing to sacrifice his place among the Monkeys of Jigokudani, colloquially known as Hell Valley. They had embraced them as one of their own, and while his training had been fierce, Wu understood it was to instill discipline into him and help him grow stronger. With such thoughts guiding him in his day-to-day life, Wu leaped through the branches of his forest home with the familiarity of someone that had spent the majority of their life amid the canopies. Lord Enma had sent one of his servants to summon him, so Wu was hurrying back, curious to hear what his surrogate father and mentor had to say. Upon reaching the biggest tree in the village, large enough to support a small mansion, Wu exchanged greetings with the guards before making his way into the interior as if he owned it. He had spent much of the last four years as a resident, so, with the exception of his 'secret' hideout, it was the closest thing he had to a home. Without bothering to knock, Wu made his way into Enma's study, tensing when he discovered an elderly human male seated alongside his mentor, both nursing cups of tea. The man had spikey grey hair that had receded away from his forehead, several liver spots along the left side of his face, and a pointed goatee that made him seem incredibly ancient. Despite this, he gave off an aura that compelled Wu's body to tense like a small animal cornered by its natural predator... Raising his gaze, the elderly man adopted a disarming smile and said, "Good afternoon, Wu. My name is Sarutobi Hiruzen. I believe Enma has told you about me? Either way, I'm pleased to meet you." With Wu just standing in the doorway like an idiot, Enma exhaled a tired sigh before adopting a stern expression and ordering, "Come and take a seat, Wu. We have important matters to discuss." Though he obeyed Enma's command, the expression on Wu's face made it clear he didn't want to be there. Enma had, in fact, mentioned Sarutobi Hiruzen to him. He was apparently some big shot in the Land of Fire and the sole individual permitted to summon Enma and the other Elders of the Monkey Clan. Under normal circumstances, Wu would be eager to meet and learn from such a man, but he understood why Enma had summoned him here today... Without beating around the bush, Enma stated, "Starting from today, you shall refer to yourself as Sarutobi Wu. The Elders and I have discussed the matter and decided it would be best for you to live among your fellow humans. Jigokudani will always welcome you, but the remainder of your training will be left in the hands of Hiruzen. Understood?" Lowering his head, Wu reluctantly replied, "Understood..." in a faint, barely audible tone. He didn't feel angry or sad, but the notion that he was about to be leaving his home filled him with reluctance. Misinterpreting Wu's reaction, Hiruzen's wrinkled face softened into a grandfatherly smile as he said, "Worry not, young Wu. We understand this is a lot to ask of you, so you will be allowed to return to Jigokudani on the weekends. Our hope is that, with time, you will come to view both Konoha and Jigokudani as your homes." Since the elderly duo had expressed their willingness to 'compromise,' Wu understood he didn't have room to speak on the matter. Instead, he kept his head down for several seconds before replying, "I understand..." in an even quieter tone. His voice made him sound pitiable, but the truth of the matter was that Wu was already thinking about how he would fit in at his new home, Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves... ... .. . After making the rounds to say goodbye to all his friends and several of the Elders, Wu returned to Hiruzen, now sporting a red, diamond-shaped hat with the symbol for 'Fire' blazoned on the front. The hat gave the man a somewhat sagely appearance, so Wu politely cupped his hands and was prepared to bow before Hirzuen stopped him with a gesture, stating, "You are a member of the Sarutobi Clan from this day onward. There is no need for formalities among family." As he had never enjoyed lowering his head to others, Wu didn't hesitate to rise, surprising Hiruzen as he asked, "What should I call you? Grandpa? Father...?" Taken aback by Wu's frankness, Hiruzen coughed to clear his throat, a soft chuckle following as he answered, "Grandpa or Grandfather will do nicely. Now, do you have all your things...?" Nodding his head, Wu showed off the tiny pouch that had been with him since his awakening four years prior. The interior was inscribed with seals that made it several times larger on the inside while reducing the mass of any object placed within to zero. It was only around three cubic meters in size, but that was more than enough to store Wu's few possessions. Though his eyes briefly shimmered when Wu produced his storage pouch, Hiruzen didn't remark on it. Instead, he extended his left hand toward the mysterious and fateful boy and asked, "Shall we depart?" while giving his best, most endearing smile... ... .. .

After being reverse summoned into a spacious courtyard filled with sand gardens, medium-sized Bonzai, and a small koi pond, Wu gave himself a quick once-over as he muttered, "That...felt weird..." Hearing Wu's remark, Hiruzen's brows raised ever so slightly as he mused, "Ho~? Most people aren't able to 'feel' anything when being summoned or transported. We'll have to look into that during your training. For now, let's get you settled into the manor." Placing his hand on Wu's back, Hiruzen ushered him into a large manor comprised primarily of dark wood. It had bamboo partitions and tatami floors, but the thing that stood out the most, at least to Wu, was its sheer size. Compared to the manor owned by King Enma, it was at least three times as large. Having spent the last few weeks preparing for Wu's arrival, Hiruzen led the curious eight-year-old into a relatively empty but spacious room. The only furnishings within were a large bed, a mat for meditation, and a small wardrobe. This was intentional, not because Hiruzen didn't want to make Wu feel welcome, but because he didn't want to overwhelm the young boy with items and furniture he wasn't familiar with. Instead, he would let Wu decorate and fill the room with things he had personally purchased or acquired, similar to the 'hideout' he knew the young boy possessed. Matching Hiruzen's expectations, a smile developed across Wu's face as he remarked, "This is perfect. I have plenty of space to store my stuff and perform basic exercises. You have my gratitude, Grandfather." Though it was a little strange to hear an eight-year-old speak in such a formal manner, especially considering Wu's upbringing, Hiruzen returned a smile and replied, "You're very welcome, Wu. From this day forward, this room is yours to do as you please. You are also free to wander around the manor, though my bedroom and study are off-limits. Any questions?" Shaking his head, Wu was about to respond that he was good, but the truth was that he had 'many' questions. Most of them could wait, but the one thing he 'had' to know was, "When will I be attending this Academy you mentioned previously? If possible, I'd like to recommence my training as soon as feasible." As Enma had already informed him of how 'spirited' Wu was about his training, Hiruzen exhaled a light chuckle before explaining, "We have set things up so that you have a month before classes begin. Since you will be two years behind the rest of your peers, I have made arrangements to have a Chuunin instruct you until then." Flaring his chakra, Hiruzen managed to startle Wu with the appearance of a young woman with unkempt, raven-black hair and peculiar red eyes. Her body was garbed in a red kimono, and she wore the identifying headband of a Leaf Shinobi. However, the thing that stood out the most was the fact she was female, the first human woman Wu had ever encountered. Adopting a 'knowing' smile, Hiruzen gestured toward the kneeling woman and explained, "This is Yuuhi Kurenai, one of our most talented, up-and-coming Kunoichi. She can only instruct you for an hour a day, but she has memorized the Academy Curriculum. She is qualified to answer any and all questions you may have about the village, its history, and the duty of a Shinobi." Rising to her feet, Kurenai gave Wu a quick once over before adopting a smile of her own and repeating, "I'm Kurenai. You can address me as both Kurenai-sensei or simply Kurenai. It's a pleasure to meet you, Wu." Though Wu was a little shorter than other boys his age, standing just under 120cm, he exuded a sense of 'awareness' that could generally only be found in members of the Nara Clan or seasoned Shinobi. He didn't give off the impression of an ordinary human child, an impression cemented by his wild brown hair, yellow eyes, and prominent canines. Recovering from his brief stupor, Wu adopted a smile of his own as he said, "The pleasure's mine." Then, exhibiting a complete lack of shame, he asked, "Do all human women look like you? You're a lot less...hairy than I expected." Taken aback by Wu's question, Kurenai opened her mouth but couldn't find the words to respond. As for Hirzuen, he simply exhaled a chuckle at the side, his silvery-grey eyes glimmering in amusement as he stroked his pointed goatee. Recalling that Wu had minimal interaction with other humans, Kurenai did her best not to take offense to his words, an almost indistinguishable red hue coloring her cheeks as she cleared her throat and revealed, "Classes related to the differences between men and women will take place during your fourth year at the Academy. The focus of third years is mathematics, the basics of chakra control, Shurikenjutsu, and sparring. Boys also focus on physical conditioning, while girls study the basics of herb classification and court etiquette." Hearing the words Shurikenjutsu, Wu's face scrunched up as he said, "I'm not fond of ranged attacks. I prefer Taijutsu and Bojutsu." Unsurprised by Wu's retort, Kurenai nodded her head in understanding but insisted, "The Academy is the ideal place to improve upon the skills you lack or struggle with. You might not depend upon Shurikenjutsu in the future, but not knowing how to use them puts you at a disadvantage if you ever need to." Instead of arguing with his newly acquired tutor, Wu returned a nod of his own, admitting, "There is truth to what you say..." before adopting a broad smile and asking, "When do we start?" "Uh..." Looking to Hiruzen and seeing him nod his head, Kurenai forced a smile as she answered, "I wasn't expecting to instruct you this afternoon, so let's limit things to a simple skill assessment. Drop off your stuff and meet me in the courtyard." Before Kurenai could turn around to leave, Wu, with a smile as radiant as the Sun, asserted, "I prefer to keep my things stored away, so I'm ready to begin immediately. Please, lead the way." Feeling a little exasperated, Kurenai looked to Hiruzen a second time, only to find the elderly man suppressing a laugh. This gave her a sudden and intense urge to smack him on the back of the head, but doing such a thing to the Hokage would be a faux pas of epic proportions. Hiruzen presented himself as a kind, grandfatherly figure, but he was still the most influential man in the village, commanding the respect of more than twelve thousand Shinobi. Turning back to Wu, Kurenai forced a smile back to her face as she said, "Very well." before turning around and adding, "Follow me..." in an audibly exasperated tone... ... .. . Though he expected Wu to be 'above average' after training alongside members of the Monkey Clan for four years, Hiruzen's silvery-grey eyes glistened with the 'Will of Fire' as he observed the incredibly agile youth putting legitimate pressure on Kurenai, a season Kunoichi. Since the best way to ascertain someone's skill was via a spar, Kurenai made the mistake of challenging Wu to a Taijutsu match. Her specialties were Genjutsu and Ninjutsu, but that didn't mean she was inept in hand-to-hand combat. She was even expected to be promoted to Jonin in the next 2-3 years, so it hurt her pride to be driven back every time Wu's fists or feet impacted her guard. ("This brat is starting to remind me of Kakashi...") Feeling a little indignant, Kurenai opened her guard, allowing an excited Wu to close the ten meters between them in an instant, his tiny fist nearly disappearing into her gut. Such an impact would have caused an ordinary person to vomit blood, but Kurenai's body burst into a cloud of faint pink smoke, a heavy aroma of perfume filling the area as a medium-sized log was sent crashing into the estate's wall. Blinking in surprise, Wu exhaled a confused, "Huh...?" before leaping away from the cloud of smoke in search of his quarry. He immediately glimpsed Kurenai sneaking around in his blind spot, so he disregarded the smoke and leaped toward her, somersaulting to land a heavy kick on her crossed arms. Exhibiting a mixture of disbelief and slight panic, Kurenai could only stare in stupefaction as Wu's follow-up kick barreled toward her face. She had used a C-Rank Genjutsu to try and buy herself some time to recover, but Wu hadn't been affected at all. She would have noticed if he had resisted or broken out of it. Instead, he acted as if it simply never happened... Catching Wu's ankle, Hiruzen's eyes briefly widened before immediately returning to normal as he said, "That's enough, Wu. You have more than illustrated your talent in Taijutsu. Well done." Flipping away from Hiruzen the moment the old man released him, Wu adopted a cheeky smile as he asserted, "It's easy when your opponent looks down on you. That technique that allowed you to swap places with a log was pretty neat. What I don't understand is, why did you drop your guard?" Recovering from her momentary stupor, or at least pretending to, Kurenai forced a smile and replied, "You're right, Wu; I did underestimate you. For that, you have my sincerest apologies. As for why I dropped my guard at that time...the more pertinent question is, why were you unaffected by my Genjutsu? You should have been trapped in an illusion..." As he had never encountered Genjutsu, Wu shrugged his shoulders and responded, "How am I supposed to know? From my perspective, you just swapped places with a log and moved into my blind spot. I didn't see any illusions or whatever." Blinking several times, Kurenai tried yet couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. She was certain she had performed her Genjutsu correctly, yet, according to Wu, it never went off? She had flubbed Genjutsu in the past, but not since her fifteenth birthday, more than eight years prior... Curious about Wu's claim, Hiruzen decided to lend a hand to Kurenai, stroking his beard as he proposed, "There's a simple method we can use to clear this matter. Wu, please allow Kurenai to place you in a Genjutsu. I assure you that you will not be harmed even if she's successful..." After seeing Hiruzen block his full-powered kick with his bare hand, Wu had gained a hint of respect for his elderly mentor. Thus, without thinking too deeply into things, he nodded his head and answered, "Sure. I'm also curious about what it's like to be in a Genjutsu. Lord Enma taught me that Genjutsu and Sealing Techniques are to be feared and respected." Nodding his head in approval, Hiruzen muttered, "Well said..." before turning his attention to Kurenai and ordering, "Chunin Kurenai, please proceed to try and place Wu in a Genjutsu." Swallowing her nervousness, Kurenai returned a nod of her own before forming a series of hand seals as she stared into Wu's eyes. When she was finished, her chakra reserves depleted noticeably, but Wu just kept staring back at her, unblinking as he eagerly looked forward to the effects of her Genjutsu. Before Kurenai could admit her failure, Hiruzen garnered the attention of both her and Wu as he mused, "I see..." while stroking his beard. Kurenai might not have noticed it, but he was able to glimpse Wu's eyes gaining a faint, fiery-red hue the moment the former activated her Genjutsu. Seeing the almost desperate look on Kurenai's face, Hiruzen exhaled a light chuckle as he revealed, "Our young friend here appears to possess a Dojutsu that filters out the effects of vision-based Genjutsu. Be sure you both keep this a secret, understood?" Though she wanted to protest that no such Dojutsu existed, Kurenai's father had once told her stories about the Chinoike Clan. The effects varied from person to person, but their Ketsuryugan was said to make the user impervious to Genjutsu while allowing them to confer it unto others with a simple touch. Wu's eyes were clearly different, but she would be foolish to refute something she had experienced first-hand... Accepting that her specialty would be useless against Wu, at least until she figured out how his Dojutsu functioned, Kurenai exhaled a sigh before bending the knee and responding, "Understood, Lord Hokage. This secret shall not escape my lips..." Seeing Kurenai's display, Wu would about to emulate her when Hiruzen shook his head, a faint smile adorning his wrinkled face as he said, "That's enough for today. I intend to take Wu on a brief tour of the village, so you can return and fulfill your other duties. Good work today." Despite feeling she had performed terribly, Kurenai lowered her head as a sign of respect before using Shunshin, a Jutsu that permitted the user to move at blinding speeds, to make her exit. Wu's yellow eyes flickered with intrigue as she departed, but he was unable to ask Hiruzen for the name of the technique before the old man squeezed his shoulder and asserted, "You have a promising future as a Shinobi..." ... .. .

Ashton Ayers was an above-average but self-professed 'ordinary' guy. He performed well enough during his school years to get a scholarship at his University of choice, graduated with honors, married his high school sweetheart, and went on to run a successful business producing military-grade prostheses. Because of this, others viewed him as exceptional, but Ashton and those closest to him knew the truth. The only thing that made him special was his work ethic and his general love for humanity. Though he had lost his parents at a very early age, Ashton was fortunate enough to be adopted by a very loving couple who only wanted the best for him. They never once tried to force him to call them mother and father and supported his every endeavor so long as he could demonstrate how it might be helpful to himself and others. Thus, alongside his seven brothers and sisters, Ashton grew up always considering the consequences of his actions. This made him a role model among his peers, a great leader at his workplace, and a fantastic father to his three children. By all accounts, excluding his own, Ashton was a model of a human being. When he was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease at the age of thirty-seven, everyone that knew him was devastated. Even if he fought tooth and nail to survive, he would only be able to extend his life by around ten years. Ashton could easily afford the treatment, but instead of placing a burden on his family, friends, and loved ones, he used his accumulated vacation days to fly around the world, completing various bucket list items before making arrangements with his Lawyers to ensure each of his viable organs found new homes. Then, with a bag of box jellyfish in hand, he ran himself an ice bath and released the lethal invertebrates into the water, breathing his last breath moments later... ... .. . Expecting nothing but darkness when he closed his eyes the final time, Ashton was more than a little annoyed when he eventually opened them to find himself standing in an impossibly long queue. Instead of leading up to pearly white gates or a fiery pit, however, the line led to a relatively spartan-looking building, the kind you would typically find on government installations or military bases. Discarding the friendly smile he had 'worn' for much of his life, Ashton's expression morphed into a borderline deadpan as he groaned, "Give me a fucking break..." While others viewed Asthon as a kind and sociable person who genuinely cared for others, the truth was that he was a functional psychopath. The only reason he adopted such a mask was to ensure his life would be free from burdens. After all, getting adopted by the Manager of a Hedge Fund wasn't an opportunity that presented itself often. After pretending to be a good guy his entire life, Ashton had been relieved by his MND diagnosis because it gave him the excuse to end things on his terms. His wife and children had started to notice the cracks in his facade, so things might have gotten dangerous if he was forced to endure them a few decades longer. Resisting the urge to monologue, Ashton raised his head to get a better look at his surroundings. He had been an Atheist in his previous life, but that didn't really matter at this point. He was dead, that much was certain, so what else could this be but an afterlife? His synapsis firing off one last time to produce a hyper-realistic dream? If that were true, he doubted he would be the only white guy in a line dominated by zombie-like Chinese people... Giving the man in front of him a poke, Ashton expected some kind of response, but the man simply bumped into the person in front of him before righting himself. This gave Ashton the almost irresistible urge to start a domino effect, but he doubted it would do him any favors with whoever was in charge. Turning around, Ashton found an old Chinese woman standing behind him, followed by a seemingly endless line of similar people with blank expressions and empty eyes. The majority were garbed in what could best be described as matte grey hospital gowns, but there were a few, like himself, wearing what Ashton assumed to be the clothes they were buried in. ("So fucking weird...") Though he doubted the people around him would respond to him, Ashton kept his words to himself. He didn't know if he was being observed, so he determined it was probably best to remain silent. Being the only person in a seemingly endless line who was awake probably wasn't a good thing... Or was it? Getting a better look at his surroundings, Ashton noticed there were a few massive, and he meant 'massive' buildings in the distance. His immediate surroundings were barren, lacking even a blade of grass, but there was a foggy forest full of strange trees a few meters away from the paved path everyone was standing on. ("Should I...?") Since the line hadn't moved since his arrival and there were easily tens of thousands of people in front of him, Ashton was seriously considering just leaving the queue. He could also cut the line, but the 'zombies' were lined up 'nut-to-butt' as the United States Marines called it. To make room for himself, he would need to disrupt the queue, and his intuition told him that wouldn't be a particularly brilliant thing to do. Leaving the path was much the same, but it beat standing around and doing nothing. After waiting another hour without the line moving so much as a single centimeter, Ashton thought, ("Fuck it. I just committed suicide, so I doubt there's good news waiting for me ahead. Even if there is, I'm not waiting a fucking decade to find out.") Having made his decision, Ashton turned to the elderly woman behind him, habitually adopting his usual mask as he asked, "Mind holding my spot for me?" Seemingly oblivious to Ashton's words, the old woman just kept staring ahead with a blank look on her face. The moment he stepped out of line, however, every single person in the queue moved forward in unison... ("...") Though he had the distinct impression he had just fucked up, Ashton had never been the type to mull over the past. As far as he knew, what's done couldn't be undone. Thus, after one last look at the queue, Ashton moved toward the treeline without looking back... ... .. . Sensing a disturbance in her surroundings, an impossibly ancient-looking woman with ashen hair, wrinkled skin, and recessed eyes raised her head from the large cauldron she had been stirring. Her attendants immediately noticed, one of them rushing forward and bowing low to inquire, "Oh great and Venerable Po. Is something the matter?" Without looking at the person who had addressed her, the elderly woman replied, "A wayward soul has wandered off the path. Inform His Highness and have someone dispatched to collect them..." Though it was rare for an undead spirit to regain consciousness, this was far from the first time it had happened. There had even been a handful of individuals who managed to escape Naihe Bridge and escape the cycle of reincarnation, but they would quickly regret it. After all, the only thing that awaited them beyond that was literal Hell... ... .. . After wandering through the forest for what felt like hours, Ashton took note of three things. First and foremost, he didn't get tired, no matter how much he exerted himself. Secondly, he didn't experience hunger, thirst, or even pain. These were objectively good things, as, despite doing his best to walk in a single direction, Ashton had found himself back at the line of 'zombies' no less than three times. "Fuck my afterlife..." Though he didn't suffer physical exhaustion, Ashton began to check out mentally. He could bust his ass if the reward was promising, but repeating the same action over and over without an end goal was worse than being one of the 'sheep' that plagued his previous life. Recognizing that the forest was probably designed to send people back to the queue, Ashton began making his way over to the building everyone was being shepherded into. He didn't know how the people there would react to him stepping out and outright skipping the queue, but he figured it was worth finding out. Arriving at his destination two hours later, despite jogging the whole way, Ashton was about to enter the interior when a fiery sound tickled his ears. His surroundings also began to illuminate, so he followed the sound to its source, a literal fucking meteor barreling toward him. "What the fu-" Before Ashton could finish speaking or even think to dodge, the meteor impacted him directly, creating a large explosion that destroyed part of the building and knocked over many within the queue. Excruciating pain enveloped Ashton's body, but when the smoke and flames disappeared, he found himself whole and uninjured, the only thing still hurting being his pride. Despite his best efforts to raise his head, Ashton found his face buried in the dirt, pressed down by an exposed, fur-covered foot. His ears were still above ground, however, so he could hear the owner of said foot laughing his ass off, shouting, "Today is your lucky day, evil-doer! Though none are my equal, few have had the honor of being defeated by the Great Me, Sun Wukong...!" Grabbing Ashton by his hair, the man claiming to be Sun Wukong raised him as if he was lifting a feather. Soon after, Ashton found himself staring into a pair of burning red eyes. He felt like they were boring into him, but that didn't prevent him from forcing a smile as he muttered, "Sun Wukong. As in the Great Sage, Heaven's Equal? That Sun Wukong...?" Though he had previously been staring at Ashton with a look of ridicule on his face, Sun Wukong adopted a broad smile as he mused, "Ho~? Are you familiar with the Great Me? That's pretty rare for someone with your particular...complexion." Maintaining his smile, Ashton answered, "How could I not know of 'the' Sun Wukong? Journey to the West is a classic, and you've appeared in all kinds of media. Anyone with more than ten brain cells knows you're one of the most powerful beings in modern pop culture. If people knew you were 'real,' they would flip the fuck out." Sensing no overt falsehoods in Ashton's words, Sun Wukong's smile broadened as he set the former on his feet and dusted off his shoulders, declaring, "It seems I was mistaken. Though foolish, you're no evil-doer. Anyone who can recognize my greatness has to be a good person. Now, how about you tell this Grandpa why you stepped out of line?" Though he had no idea how similar this Sun Wukong was to the version depicted in various video games, movies, and novels, Ashton managed a 'sincere' smile as he answered, "As you pointed out, I don't exactly fit in with the rest of the people here. Unless everyone who dies ends up in this place, I believe there may have been a mistake..." Caressing his chin, Wukong revealed, "At the present moment, there are a total of six factions openly competing for dominion over the mortal world. People typically end up in the afterlife that most closely corresponds with their beliefs, so you either converted to Buddhism at some point or simply didn't care where you ended up. Either way, this is where you ended up. I suggest you accept it and just move on to your next incarnation. Clinging to life after death rarely ends well." Shaking his head, Ashton admitted, "I took my own life, believing that was the end of everything. While I am curious about reincarnation, it isn't something I'm willing to stand in line for decades to obtain. If there isn't a faster way, I'd honestly prefer to have my existence erased. It's a hell of a lot better than returning to that shit hole called Earth." Raising his brows, Wukong remarked, "How curious...given your state of dress, I would assume you were one of the fortunate few to be born into privileged circumstances. What could you have possibly experienced to make you desire oblivion? Let me guess; your best friend made you into a cuckold...?" Snorting through his nose, Ashton retorted, "He wishes..." before staring directly into Wukong's eyes and stating, "People suck, and society sucks even more. As someone who spent their entire life 'helping' others, I can confidently say that humanity is completely fucked. If the only thing that awaits me upon reincarnation are endless recessions, moral decline, and politically correct nutjobs, I would gladly accept oblivion." Amused by Ashton's response, Wukong snickered and showed off a smile that displayed the majority of his inordinately sharp teeth. Unfortunately for Ashton, he didn't really care where the human ultimately ended up. He was, however, interested in the circumstances that led to Ashton being so indignant his consciousness lingered despite his apparent desire to end it all. Placing his hand on Ashton's shoulder, Wukong said, "Tell you what. I'm in a pretty good mood today, so if you bow to this Grandaddy and recognize him as your Ancestor, I may just help you out. How about it?" Though there was a reasonably high probability that Wukong was just fucking with him, Ashton was more than willing to endure a moment of embarrassment if it meant he could skip an unmoving queue. As a result, he didn't even hesitate to lower himself to the ground, poorly emulating a kowtow as he said, "Ashton Ayers recognizes his Ancestor..." ... .. .

Chapter 2: Monkey Business