Nobunaga Oda's Isekai Cultivation Experience

Though his mother had taught him that women should be treated with delicacy and respect, he imagined she would be the first to pick up a weapon if she saw his state over the last couple of days. He also had no intention of getting wrapped up in any cliches, so, using his knowledge of dozens, if not hundreds, of novels, he was intending to dodge as many 'flags' as possible.While the phrase had been coopted by Otaku and Weeb culture, flags were a programming term that indicated a variable, either local or global, that was triggered by specific inputs of the user. In pop culture, triggering a person's flag basically implied you had been locked into a specific route that would either end in you becoming a couple or facing a 'bad end'.Nobu didn't consider himself an Otaku but that didn't mean he wasn't intimately familiar with the concepts and terminology associated with it. A child of two Graphics Designers or Architects would probably have a decent understanding of what their parents' jobs entailed, so, with his father being involved with merchandising and his mother belonging to a localization firm, Nobu knew a lot more about the subject than he would like to admit.With this world attempting to shoe-horn him into a blatantly obvious plot, Nobu had reached the conclusion that various other cliches and stereotypes must exist. This included character archetypes, so, with the unnamed woman having all the tell-tale signs of a violent Tsundere, he wasn't going to let something as abstract as 'fate' force him into a relationship. He might have cared if he had spent the last nineteen years in this world, but, as someone who had only recently arrived, the politics and traditions of Nian were more of an inconvenience than anything else.Fortunately for the unnamed woman, Nobu wasn't a complete asshole. After dropping her into the pool, he immediately plopped in alongside her. His efforts over the last five hours would be wasted if she drowned, so, after supporting her surprisingly heavy body with his own, he used his left hand to guide her mouth beneath the surface. Even an unconscious person would voluntarily swallow if a liquid reached the back of their throat. Without it, even something as simple as a runny nose might be fatal to an unconscious patient, so, by regulating the amount of water entering at any one time, Nobu was able to make sure the woman was swallowing the water instead of inhaling it."If you get diarrhea or a tapeworm, don't blame me..."Though the pool seemed to be fed from an underground source, the stillness of its surface and the lack of a discernible current indicated it might be stagnant. It might be some of the clearest water he had ever seen but that didn't mean it wasn't filled to the brim with bacteria, microbes, and other nasty parasites. As for how he knew things existed...well, his arm wouldn't be rotting if there weren't bacteria eating away at his flesh. At this rate, he might even need to have it amputated just to keep the dead cells from feeding back into his bloodstream and attacking the rest of his immune system.Nobu could still recall an episode of House, a hit medical drama, where one of the patients nearly died due to gangrene setting in her frostbitten toe. She had basically just stubbed it, but, as a result of a small fracture, bone marrow and dead cells entered into her bloodstream and began shutting down all of her organs. The body had a way of overreacting at times, so, the moment the trillions of bacteria within your system identified dead cells, they essentially went to war against your immune system since they assumed you were already dead.Fearful that he might lose the entire limb, Nobu waited until the woman had consumed several large mouthfuls of water before leaning her on the bank of the pool. Then, using a piece of cloth he had fashioned from strips of his tunic, he tied a makeshift tourniquet around his arm before gritting his teeth and literally scraping away the dead tissue.With his teeth and jaw clattering loudly, Nobu began hyperventilating as a sensation similar to his gut dropping down to his colon overwhelmed him. Contrary to expectations, there actually wasn't any pain associated with the procedure. This brought him no relief, however, as his body and mind vehemently rejected everything he was doing. It was like an instinctual objection to the act of self-mutilation, and, the moment he saw bone, his knees immediately gave out, his view spinning due to a sudden onset of vertigo.Fortunately, even after sinking beneath the surface of the water, Nobu didn't lose consciousness. He knew he would most likely die if he allowed the darkness to overtake him, so, channeling willpower he didn't know he possessed, he kept the majority of his body submerged as he continued gouging away at his flesh. It was only when he had removed every visible speck of gangrenous flesh that he began grasping various herbs and sticking them to the wound. He wasn't sure they would actually do anything, but, considering the alternative was abandoning the limb, he decided to place his trust in the mystical medical properties of this world's plants.When everything was said and done, Nobu had managed to fashion a sling from waterproof linens to wrap both his wound and the herbs covering it. Then, for what felt like the umpteenth time since he arrived in this world, he blacked out after dragging the unconscious woman from the pool and covering her with the thatch mat that had previously served as his bed...------------------------------------Feeling a fiery heat spreading through her body, Yui awoke with a start. Her last vivid memory was using one of her Clan's forbidden techniques to seriously wound the Platinum Ranked bodyguard that had pursued them into the forest near the base of the mountain. Said technique had not only cost her a cultivation rank, but, from the moment she resolved herself for death, she began burning her life force to empower each of her strikes.Though she could only guess at how many years she had burned, Yui doubted she would live more than a hundred years even if she managed to reach the Rank of Mithril Lord. Despite this, she didn't regret her decision. She also held no resentment towards her pursuers, as, with the exception of the Rank 3 Platinum King, the rest were dead. Her Clan would be able to take care of the rest, as, even without Nobu's testimony, they now had ample reason to investigate the factions governing Owari-Asai."Hnnngh..."With a pained groan, Yui forced herself to a seated position, right hand massaging her temples as she looked around to get a better grasp of the situation. When she saw Nobu collapsed less than a meter from her position, any questions or concerns she had regarding her wet clothing and armor faded from her mind as she instantly appeared at his side.Sensing that his pulse was much faster than it should be, Yui rolled Nobu over to discover that his face, neck, and ears had turned an unnatural shade of red. There was also sweat covering his body, but, more noticeable than anything else was the large bulge in his trousers. This normally wouldn't have bothered her, but, with her own body gradually heating, a foreboding tremble ran through her body as she flashed over to the side of the pool with a serious expression on her face.Though it took her a moment to find what she was searching for, seeing dozens of herbs floating in the pool had already confirmed her suspicions. Nobu had clearly attempted to save her, but, due to his inexperience, he had mixed in, not one, but three lengths of a dark-red perennial herb known as Dragon's Vigor.Dragon's Vigor was a remarkably powerful aphrodisiac used by Lords with a substantial number of wives and concubines. The effects were negligible when consumed by women, but, when ingested by men, a mere gram of the inordinately expensive rootstock was enough to allow them to indulge in carnal pleasures for upwards of eight hours. This wasn't an overstatement either, as, due to the herb containing a tremendous amount of Yang Energy, they needed to willfully 'release' it in order to avoid potentially serious side effects...Gritting her teeth, Yui looked towards the unconscious body of Nobu with a vexed expression on her face. She didn't know how bad her condition was, but it was apparent he had gone to extreme lengths to try and save her. While some might claim this made them even, her decision to protect him was merely the fulfillment of her duty. As for her act of pulling him from the streets, that was a complete and utter coincidence. It could even be argued that she owed him an apology, as, due to her ignorance regarding his identity, she had inconvenienced, aggravated, and even assaulted him...Seeing Nobu's face turn a progressively deeper shade of crimson, Yui took a deep breath in a vain attempt to steel her resolve and calm her mind. Had the former been awake to see this, he would have immediately called into question her intellect before promptly telling her to 'fuck off', but, as he was currently in the middle of a fever dream, nothing stood in the way of Yui slowly removing the individual pieces of her clothing and armor.With little more than a silk fundoshi to cover the last remaining vestiges of her dignity as a woman, Yui made her way over to Nobu before kneeling down at his side. Nervousness, unlike anything she had experienced before, caused her body to tremble, but, due to the education she had received in her youth, her understanding of the relations between men and women was actually more on the 'advanced' side of things.Were it not for the death of her fiance, Yui would have been expected to both serve and pleasure him to the best of her ability. She had been instructed in a total of 1250 different techniques, and, though it was somewhat shameful to admit, her family had compiled more than thirty texts related to the subject. This, combined with their assassination techniques, made the Yoshitsune Clan one of the most feared in ancient times. As for why they needed to resort to such methods, it was because their family had been cursed by the Goddess Inari to produce predominately female descendants.Yui had strayed away from the teachings of her family but that didn't mean she was unfamiliar with them. Her Grandmother had only agreed to support her on the premise that she would master the basics of their hereditary arts alongside polishing her skills as a warrior. If she couldn't do both, she would have lost her only backer in the family, so, for the sake of achieving her dream, Yui had done her best to master skills in both categories.Focusing on her training rather than what was actually happening before her very eyes, Yui quickly stripped away the tattered remains of Nobu's clothes. The size of his member had given her reason to pause, but, by repeating the mantras and steps within her mind, she was able to guide her body through the motions as if she were controlling a puppet. This was actually a technique developed to protect their minds in the event they were captured by an enemy, but, having convinced herself this was a medical procedure, Yui did her best to distance herself as much as possible from the reality of what she was about to do...(A/N: Escaping the machinations of fate is easier said than done...(O _ O)...)

Feeling a familiar, pleasant, and wholly unexpected sensation, Nobu's awareness was dragged away from the darkness and forced to face reality. He could feel intense pressure and heat coiling around his member like a living creature desperate to wring every last drop of fluid from his body. It was an extremely pleasurable sensation that caused him to seriously consider going with the flow and just pretending to be asleep.Unfortunately, now that he had gained consciousness, Nobu quickly became aware of the ridiculous heat that had permeated his entire body. He felt like he was being cooked from the inside out, and, to make matters even worse, it was like someone was pumping a tremendous amount of adrenaline and caffeine into his veins. As a result, his body was trembling from more than just pleasure, almost as if it was 'demanding' he move."Fuck...!"Snapping his eyes open, Nobu took no time to appreciate the captivating sight of a raven-haired beauty skillfully straddling his hips in a Reverse Cowgirl position. Instead, he lunged forward, eyes bloodshot as he forced the woman to her hands and knees. Then, suppressing his urge to grab her twin-tails, his hands instinctually grabbed her hips, palms resting on her surprisingly pliant yet firm bottom. From there, things escalated 'very' quickly, yet, no matter how intense his movements, the girl who had tormented him since his arrival in this world made no effort to resist...------After god knows how many hours, Nobu's body trembled in ecstasy as he released himself for the umpteenth time into the woman pressed beneath him. He had attempted to pull out at one point, but, the moment he tried, the raven-haired beauty screamed, "If you don't want to die, do it inside!"Though he wasn't fond of being threatened in such a manner, Nobu had already been on the verge of ejaculation at that point, so, without any real hesitation, he released his baby batter to cover her insides. This introduced him to a completely new sensation, as, rather than a single large discharge, followed by a few secondary releases, he felt like his penis had turned into a hose. Something other than semen was flowing from his body, and, along with it, the fire burning him from the insides had become noticeably weaker.From that moment onward, Nobu didn't hesitate. He released his seed into the unnamed woman's body an inhuman number of times, as, no matter how much he discharged, his balls never seemed to deplete. Instead, they tingled something fierce, and, from what he could tell, they had swollen to an almost unnerving amount.Fortunately, with this final release, the flames in Nobu's body had completely extinguished. This was followed by feelings of extreme relief and exhaustion, but, before he could even consider sprawling out on the cold stone floor, the woman who had been cooperating with him for the past few hours promptly pulled shoved him away, saying, "Don't misunderstand...I did this to save your life. We are not lovers. Consider my debts repaid..."With that said, Yui made her way over to the pool with the intent to wash her body. Nobu followed this movement with his eyes, a bewildered expression on his face as he found himself at a complete loss for words. He knew she was the cold and temperamental type, but, seeing her behave this way after they had effectively fucked like rabbits just felt 'wrong'. Sure, he might not love her, but, after their almost unworldly session of love-making, he would be lying if he said he felt nothing.Frowning, Nobu resisted the urge to ask what the woman's problem was. Instead, he picked up his tired body before making his way over to the pool. This earned him a glare from the raven-haired beauty, but, without paying her any mind, he entered the crystal clear waters and reclined against the embankment. The water was surprisingly warm, so, after getting comfortable, he shut his eyes in an effort to relax."You're an idiot..."Opening his eyes, Nobu shifted his attention towards the woman, a lazy expression on his face as he replied, "Pot, meet kettle..."Blinking in confusion, Yui attempted to make sense of Nobu's words before quickly dismissing them to explain, "Though I've removed the source, this water still contains the medicinal properties of the Dragon's Vigor. Do you expect me to help you if you experience another overdose?"Though he had no idea what Dragon's Vigor was, the name, alone, was enough to give Nobu an idea of what it did. After all, even if he pushed himself, he would only be able to cum twice, maybe three times, back on Earth. Here, a plant gave him the vigor of an eroge protagonist, and, though he hadn't been keeping count, he knew he had ejaculated somewhere between ten and fifty times. He honestly didn't know where his body got the resources to produce the volume of semen he had used to redecorate the woman's insides...As that thought crossed his mind, Nobu's expression turned into a deadpan as he answered, "After these last couple of days, I honestly couldn't care less. I now have enough scars to make a map of the constellations and my right arm is basically fucked beyond repair...?With his words trailing off, Nobu raised his right hand and began to flex his fingers. It had escaped his attention previously, but, now that he looked back on it, he recalled he had no issues using his hand whilst having sex. Thus, after a moment of hesitation, he removed the linen around his arm to inspect its condition."Holy shit..."Though it was far from fully healed, evident by the many sunken patches where he had previously gouged away his own flesh, even a toddler would be able to see that it was regenerating extremely rapidly.Unable to contain his excitement, Nobu channeled energy he didn't know he had, jumping up as he shouted, "Hell yeah! This is awesome! Hahahaha-!?"Interrupting his celebration, Yui tackled Nobu like an oncilla pouncing on a baby mouse, a serious expression on her face as she covered his mouth and softly yet sharply hissed, "Are you trying to get us killed!? The formation on this place might conceal our presence, but it's far from perfect! If you attract the attention of an Aura Beast while I'm in my weakened state, we're as good as dead! Do you understand, you incomparable oaf...!?"Though he was briefly distracted by his anger and the familiar heat spreading through his body, Nobu managed a slow and deliberate nod. This caused her to release her hold on his mouth, but, instead of moving away, she continued to straddle his hips, a venomous expression on her face as she plainly stated, "You're hard..."Like a child who had just gotten caught in the midst of a prank, Nobu averted his eyes to the side without answering the accusation. His body had reacted naturally the moment she pounced on him, and, though she was far from his type, she was still a remarkably beautiful woman. She didn't even wear makeup, yet, in spite of this, her skin was fair, unblemished, and smooth to the touch. Her hair also possessed the kind of sheen you would only expect after years of care and conditioning, yet, as far as he knew, shampoo and soap were luxury goods. As for conditioner, it simply didn't exist...Exhaling a sigh, Yui's cold expression turned into one resembling apathy as she extended her hand beneath the surface of the water and said, "This is the last time. However, don't think I'm doing this for you. Yang Energy is a powerful supplement for female cultivators. My Yin Energy is equally good for your body so this is merely a medical procedure. Nothing more."Finished with her explanation, Yui guided Nobu's member into her depths without so much as a single change in expression. In reality, his size caused her to feel a tremendous amount of pressure, but, even if she were to be violently tortured as part of an interrogation, she would never reveal her emotions. Such things were reserved for the person she loved. Towards Nobu, the only sentiments she experienced were disdain, exasperation, helplessness, and, most importantly, duty...Sensing what he could only describe as contempt within the woman's obsidian-blue eyes, Nobu's expression gradually morphed into a severe deadpan. He was still feeling a tremendous amount of pleasure, especially when she began twisting her hips in a figure-eight motion, after her words, any affections he might have begun harboring towards the woman vanished into thin air. As a result, he decided to just leave everything to her, reclining backward as he pulled out his invisible stone tablet and began tapping...------After a session of lovemaking that could have easily shattered the records back on Earth, Nobu and Yui spent the better part of two days effectively ignoring each other. The former passed this period by completely clearing out his stockpile, and, as a result, his point total had increased to 713. As for Yui, who still hadn't revealed her name, she would venture out during the day to gather fruit, herbs, and berries. When asked why she didn't bring back any meat, she, once again, designated him as an idiot before explaining that the smell of cooked meat would attract Aura Beasts.Since she would insult him virtually every time he tried making conversation, Nobu eventually gave up trying. Instead, he just let Yui take care of his needs while the woman in question, unbeknownst to Nobu, closely observed his absolutely ridiculous progress. She wasn't a particularly skilled sensor, but, whenever Nobu fell asleep, she could channel her Aura into his body to get a crude estimate of his growth.While Nobu's growth might not compare to her own, the simple fact of the matter was that she was a Rank 2 Golden Warrior. By scholarly estimates, this placed her Aura between 200-300,000. So long as she was healthy, this number would increase by a few hundred every day. If she trained hard, ate three meals a day, mediated, and got plenty of rest, she could even exceed a thousand. This was the benefit of having a high cultivation base, and, the stronger your foundation, the faster your growth.Nobu, as far as she could tell, had very little cultivation base to work with. He was still working on his foundation even after nineteen years so it didn't make sense for him to be able to increase his Aura by several hundred in a short period of time. He didn't even seem to train. Instead, he spent most of his day just lounging about, fidgeting like an undisciplined child.This phenomenon could have been explained if they were Dual Cultivating, but, as that required an emotional connection, Yui could confidently dismiss that as the cause. Most of his growth seemed to occurred during the day, as, even after watching him for an entire night, the density of his Aura hadn't changed in the slightest. This was completely abnormal, as, alongside meditation, sleep was the period in which a person's Aura converged and solidified.Simply put, Nobu was a complete and utter anomaly as far as cultivation was concerned. His growth defied common sense, and, according to her mission briefing, he was supposed to be a cripple who relied on others just to survive. Instead, he spoke without any difficulty, and, while his behavior was certainly crude, it was a far cry from the catatonia reported in the mission briefing. There were times when he even radiated an aura of confidence, almost like he had absolutely no concerns..."Just what the hell are you, Nanamori Nobu...?"------(A/N: Well, this certainly escalated quickly. Poor Nobu has no idea that his body is being inspected as he sleeps. Now, it seems like his clicking habit and his desire to grow stronger are about to bite him in the ass...)

Between moments of clarity and unconsciousness, Nobu had the distinct impression he was being tossed around like a ragdoll. It was an extremely annoying, and, at times, agonizing experience, as, every time he awoke, he would feel a range of pain, heat, cold, and moisture. He felt like someone had sent him through a powerwash before subsequently throwing him into a drier on its maximum setting.By the time he managed to stay awake for more than a few seconds at a time, Nobu couldn't move so much as a single muscle in his body. All he could do was stare at the ceiling above, a rocky dome set with green gemstones that emitted a faint glow.Though it took his mind a moment to process it, Nobu actually recognized the peculiar pattern. His 'Grandfather', Nanananamori, had brought him here several times. It was his hope that he would be able to remember this place, and, if something were to happen to him, he wanted his catatonic self to somehow seek refuge within."How the hell did I end up here...?"The last thing Nobu could clearly recollect was the quarrel he had been having with the infuriating woman who had yet to give him her name. Everything after that had been a blur of lights, sounds, and, of course, pain. Now, he had somehow ended up in the exact spot he had intended to retreat to once he parted ways with the woman. After all, this was the location where his Grandfather had hidden most of their savings...With things gradually clicking into place, much like the pieces of an extremely cliche puzzle, Nobu began to suspect that the unnamed woman was either a branch member of the Oda Clan or one of its many vassal families. The fact she had been searching for him, in the first place, was a pretty big giveaway. He just hadn't thought about it previously since every time he saw the woman, he was in extreme pain..."Urrrrrrgh...!"Gritting his teeth, Nobu forced himself to, at the very least, roll to his side. He had learned basic CPR and First Aid during his Senior Year in High School, so, while he didn't remember much, one of the things he recalled was the Recovery Position. This supposed made it easier to breathe, so, with every rise of his chest causing him pain and discomfort, he was hoping to alleviate the symptoms by adopting what was, essentially, just a fetal position."Haaa, haaa, huuuh? Oh, for fuck's sake..."Though he managed to complete the maneuver, part of Nobu wished he had just remained lying on his back, as, situated with her back to the wall was a very beaten and bloodied young woman. Who else could this be if not the raven-haired nightmare that had unceremoniously entered his life a few days prior? Fate seemed to be forcing them together using various cliches, so, if he followed the logic present in most novels, he was, against all rhyme and reason, expected to save her."Let me guess...I save her here...and then she pledges to follow me until she can repay her debt...is that the shitty plot you bastards came up with? Next thing you know, we'll find out we were actually engaged to be married or some stupid shit like that. Right...!?"Seemingly powered by his frustration, the tingling warmth in Nobu's stomach began to spread to the rest of his body. The pain he had been experiencing was gradually beginning to fade away, and, though he made no effort to move, he got the distinct impression he could make it to the woman's side if he really pushed himself."This...is...such...bullshit...!!"Using the strength his rage gave him, Nobu rolled off the thatch mat he had been lying on and began crawling towards the unconscious woman. Don't misunderstand. He might not possess a heroic bone in his body, but, if he didn't at least try to save her, he would never be able to forgive himself. The last thing he needed was the vengeful ghost of his presumed fiancee haunting him in her afterlife.After what felt like a marathon, Nobu collapsed near the side of the unconscious woman before muttering, "Okay...genius...you made it here...now what...?"Though he has resolved himself to save the woman, there was a difference between wanting to do something and possessing the ability to actually follow through with it. His medical knowledge was limited to what could be crammed into a few hour-long lectures over the course of half a semester in High School. As for healing scrolls, precious treasures, and miracle elixirs, where the hell was he, a person who had just reincarnated, supposed to find such things?With a bit of effort, Nobu managed to position himself so that he was sitting to the immediate left of the woman. In hindsight, this was a rather foolish decision as his right arm, while no longer in a cast, had swollen to the point it had black, purple, and yellow spots. While he didn't feel any actual pain, the small alone was enough to inform him there was something 'very' wrong."Well isn't this just fucking fantastic? How am I supposed to save this nameless bitch when I can't even stop my fucking hand from rotting!?"Contributing to the many poor decisions he had made since his initial death, Nobu felt as though all the strength was fading from his body. Shouting at the top of his lungs had not only strained his throat, but it had also drained the last vestiges of what he presumed to be his Aura. He suddenly felt an extreme and overwhelming sense of helplessness, and, for a brief moment, darkness began to invade his senses until he instinctually used his left hand to smack the dark red area between his rotting right hand and the rest of his forearm."......!!!!"For the umpteenth time since his arrival in this world, Nobu felt such intense pain that it was simply impossible to describe with words. He couldn't even scream. Instead, the only sound that came out of his mouth was an unnatural silence followed by a pained croaking sound, the result of his lungs trying, and failing, to exhale the vacuum that had formed within.Fortunately, Nobu was so dehydrated that he couldn't cry even if he wanted to. He also managed to retain his consciousness, so, after trembling for the better part of three minutes, he began to shakily fumble around his pockets in search of the stone tablet. His efforts were rewarded by the sensation of a sudden weight in his left trouser pocket. This effectively confirmed his suspicions that the tablet could be called to his side whenever he needed it, but, putting that aside for the moment, Nobu did his best to stop shaking so that he could properly navigate the strange yet familiar device.Though it might have been smarter to look around the grotto for treasures his Grandfather might have left behind, Nobu's instincts told him he could pass out at any moment. Thus, in the hopes of replenishing his reserves, he used the fact his left hand was trembling like an Eskimo in the buff to rapidly tap the screen. This was much slower than his normal pace, but, considering the state of his body, 5-7 clicks per second wasn't terrible."..."Seeing several Achievements pop up in quick succession, a wry smile developed across Nobu's face despite the pain visible in his eyes. He was especially 'amused' by the one called 'Till Death Do Us Part'. He didn't know if it was alluding to his 'relationship' with the Clicker App or if it was because he was currently seated next to a half-dead, if not fully dead, beauty. Either way, it added insult to his many injuries, and, were it not for the fact this was his one and only lifeline, he might have used the last of his strength to smash the tablet against the wall..................Stopping only to ascertain whether or not the woman had a pulse, Nobu continued to mindlessly click for the better part of five-hours. His gradual recovery had allowed him to up his pace, and, as a result, he had managed to accumulate an additional 119 Aura. He wasn't sure if this was a small or large amount, but, at the very least, it was enough to allow him to painstakingly force himself to his feet.Making the most of his limited and likely temporary mobility, Nobu lumbered over to a small pool located near the far wall. His Grandfather had hidden his stash in a small chest located beneath a flat stone half-buried in soot. It was made to be watertight on its own, but, as an extra precaution, the content had been wrapped in several layers of wax paper and linens."Why does gold have to be so fucking heavy...?"Though it was a little surreal to be lamenting the weight of gold, Nobu managed to extricate the shoebox-sized chest after a considerable amount of effort. His Grandfather had, fortunately, left the box unsecured, so, after fumbling around with the six metal clasps keeping it shut, Nobu extracted a few individually wrapped packages and parcels from the interior.It might be because of his status as the first son, but Nobu's father had never completely given up hope that he would one day break free from his 'curse'. As a result, he had been sneaking a few rare herbs into the bi-annual care packages intended to ensure he was, at the very least, healthy."Of course I would get a BAMF for a father in the life where I waste nineteen years of my life as a fucking vegetable..."Finding the herb he was looking for, a plant that resembled an emerald-green variant of cannabis, Nobu hobbled over to the unconscious woman's side before reiterating his words from five hours prior, "Okay genius...Now what...?"Though his zombie self had seen the process a number of times, Nobu had no idea how to process medicinal herbs. Nananananamori had been an Apprentice Alchemist in his youth, so, while he was a far cry from the monsters who could exchange pills for entire countries, he might as well be a Pill God compared to the inexperienced Nobu...After considering his options for the better part of ten minutes, Nobu completely dismissed the notion of transferring the herb's 'essence' via mouth-to-mouth. It had never really made sense to him why some people believed this was necessary. Unless they were using their tongues to literally force the medicine down their victim's throat, it made a lot more sense to create something like a funnel.With this in mind, Nobu crushed the herb using a pestle and mortar before filling a large basin with water. He knew the final product needed to be both boiled and diluted, but, even if he understood the theory behind producing a fire, attempting to do so with a single hand was a waste of time. He had no idea how long the woman had been unconscious, but, if this situation were anything like the novels he read back on Earth, her time had 'conveniently' begun running out the moment he began his preparations.As if responding to his words, a crashing sound could be heard as the woman slumped over and began to seize. This caused the already apathetic expression on Nobu's face to turn into a flawless deadpan, as, if she continued to thrash about, it would be impossible to use the funnel he spent a full ten minutes folding from wax paper. In other words, fate, or, far more like, an extremely bored Goddess, was doing everything in her power to make sure he stuck to conventions. Thus, without any hesitation whatsoever, Nobu 'diluted' the contents of the medicine by promptly emptying the basin into the pool. Then, after throwing in all the other herbs for good measure, he walked over, picked up the unconscious woman, and tossed her into the pool..."Fuck your cliches..."(A/N: The MC ain't no Prince Charming, that's for sure...)

Chapter 12: Flags, Fears, and the Fuckery Associated with Fate